A Tragedy in C Major, Ch. 1

Chapter 1

It was a dark day, in the dark, dank, dingy city in which George Archibald Princeton Fredrick V resided. It was raining in fact. A lot. In fact it was pouring, raining cats and dogs, purring and barking when they hit the ground, the patter of the rain. George Archibald Princeton Fredrick V didn't like the rain, and really hated the smell of wet dogs. They both reminded him of that horrible day, that horrible day when the first rays of sunlight couldn't even pierce the dark, dingy sky. He woke just like he normally would, getting up right at 6 am and grabbing his extra-large, luxuriously soft and squishy bright green bathrobe. "I do wonder what in the world will happen to me today," he said as he ate one bowl of Cheerios, one bowl of Chex, and one bowl of just the marshmallows from Lucky Charms at the table that his great-great-great grandfather made so that he wouldn't have to eat on the floor like his father, and his fathers father, and his fathers fathers father had had to. George Archibald Princeton Fredrick V had no idea about the sunlight not piercing the clouds, as he had not yet gone to look out of the window. He didn't do that until 6:30 am, which was still ten minutes away. So, now that he was done eating his bowls of Cheerios, Chex, and Lucky Charms marshmallows, he got up from the solid oak heritage table and walked across the heavy duty, industrial porcelain tiles that he had gotten from his great uncle, Great Uncle Bob Stephano, when there was an order mixup for his uncles factory.

What George Archibald Princeton Fredrick V's great uncle Bob Stephano had actually ordered was industrial porcine ties, but his supplier was hit right on the top of his head by a falling frog that had lost its grip on a big stone building because of damage caused to the building by acid rain. The frog died, despite Great Uncle Bob Stephano's suppliers attempts at man to frog CPR, but the only thing that happened to Great Uncle Bob Stephano's supplier was that he mixed up industrial porcine ties with industrial porcelain tiles. (And he thought that the frog was his wife, which terribly upset his real wife when he explained to her that she was dead. She left him the next day.) At least that is what he had told Great Uncle Stephano.

So, Great Uncle Bob Stephano ended up with a bunch of industrial porcelain tiles, and he sold them to his relatives for a really low price, and since George Archibald Princeton Fredrick V was looking for something to replace his old threadbare orange-speckled-with-green carpet anyway he bought some of the tiles. He hadn't had time to install them himself yet though, so they were just sitting on the floor. "These tiles certainly look better than the carpet that they are sitting on," he said to himself, just like he had every morning for the last three years. Since it was now 6:30 am George Archibald Princeton Fredrick V walked to the window and said as he looked out "Hmm, the first rays of sunlight couldn't even pierce the dark, dingy sky." He didn't know yet, of course, that that day would be a horrible day since he hadn't lived it at that point in his life. However I know what happened because I am writing this after that horrible day happened, which is a good thing because if I wasn't writing this after that horrible day then I would either be writing a lie, which is a bad thing, as my momma used to say, or I would be writing it at the same time that it was happening, and that would be really hard on my hands because a veritable plethora of things happened in that day.